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Te Mataré Ramirez

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We were sitting outside at La Fabrica Del Taco, a popular Palermo joint serving up cheap Tex-Mex style fare, when we noticed something strange about the restaurant next door. It had the appearance of a fancy, exclusive club, with red curtains obscuring the interior, but every couple who approached the door looked anxious and slightly furtive, like kids about to put their hands into a cookie jar. I went to investigate and, after reading the menu, understood the nervously excited behavior of the people going inside. Te Mataré Ramirez is an aphrodisiac restaurant. And its menu is among the best things I’ve ever read.

Warning: if sexually explicit language doesn’t sit well with you, stop reading now

Erotic Restaurant

Here are some of the meals featured on the menu. This is totally serious, I am not nearly clever enough to make this kind of shit up.

You Scream with Ecstasy While You Beg for Penetration
Of Brazing Lips and Inflamed Desires
Childish and of Insolent Vocabulary, She Emanated the Aroma of her Secret Fluids
Your Female Swell Annihilates Me at Night
Savory, You Split Apart like Ripe Fruit
I Tear Out Enjoyment from Your Warm Treasure with My Flaming Tongue
You Indecently Drank the Eruption of My Pleasure
I Covet the Beauties that Her Short and Airy Skirt Suggests
Your Mouth Dances While Kissing and My Tongue Revolts
Playing in the Dark, Playing to be Strangers, to Have “Company”

Waiter, I think we’re ready to order! I’d like to start with a Childish and of Insolent Vocabulary, She Emanated the Aroma of her Secret Fluids. Oh yes, that sounds quite good.

Immediately, I called Jürgen and our friends over, to join in the mirth. While we laughed, another shame-faced couple approached the door… we felt bad for mocking their erotic evening, and quietly returned to our tacos.

Hilarious, and I have to admit that I’m intrigued. Who among our readers has been to Te Mataré Ramirez? Don’t be shy! I need to know what it’s like.

Te Mataré Ramirez
Gorriti 5054
Location on our Buenos Aires Map
Tel: 4831-9156

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May 1, 2011 at 5:01 pm Comment (1)

Ah, the Sounds of Young Love

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Love for Argentinian Wine

Schlurp. Schluuuuurp. Schleck, schleck. Schlick, giggle, schluuurp.

Ah, the delightful, not-at-all-nauseating sounds of young couples in love! Along with honking horns and buses rumbling down cobblestone streets, the wet, sploshy sound of tongues exploring throats adds another note to the grand Buenos Aires symphony. Public make-out sessions are as much an Argentine pastime as drinking mate (and there’s an eerie acoustical resemblance between the last sip of mate and the slurping of kissing kids).

You Love

They’ll make out anywhere, these horned up monkeys! Waiting for the bus, on the bus, on a bench, in a store, in front of my apartment door, in parks. Oh my god, in parks. Last Sunday, in Parque Lezama, I thought I was in the middle of a kissing competition. I felt like I should go around to each couple sprawled out on a blanket, and award them points for style and presentation.

This might be a phenomenon all over Latin America, but Buenos Aires is the first place I’ve ever encountered such outrageous amounts of PDA. Sure, there’s something sweet about it, but I don’t know. A quick peck on the lips is about as far as I’m willing to go in public. But I’m from the States; we’re prudish that way.

Get a Room in Buenos Aires

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April 27, 2011 at 12:03 am Comments (3)
Te Matar Ramirez
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